Friday, May 25, 2012
Before I get too far ahead of myself, I feel that an explanation is necessary. So I decided to call this blog Old Things and New Mercies. Because I'm not good at coming up with cool, hipster sounding names for things, I just thought about things that are uniquely me. Hence, old things. I love old things. Ask anyone near and dear to me, and they will tell you that I love old movies, I wish I could dress in Banana Republic's Mad Men collection 24/7/365, and I just love all things classy. I grew up watching exclusively, other than Disney movies, musicals from decades I wasn't close to being alive in. I can practically recite White Christmas and Singin in the Rain. I was not your average child. I often prefer black and white photos to color and I dearly love me some Frank Sinatra or soundtracks from my beloved musicals (right now I'm loving the soundtrack from Meet Me in St. Louis). You probably get the picture by now. New Mercies. I need His mercies every morning. Even if I don't choose to seek Him out, He still faithfully sustains me every morning. I am struck today by the beauty in Jesus' well-known and often-quoted response to Pauls shortcomings in 2 Corinthians: "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore," says Paul, "I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." Lord, would I have the wisdom, humility, and trust to believe and receive these words from you, and would your power rest upon me, also! I need His mercy, I need His grace in my weakness.
So I just turned twenty-two. While this is not really a landmark age like the several leading up to it, I feel older being twenty-two. I feel like I should have my life figured out, like a real adult. I feel like I should be, by now, a real adult. But I'm not. In so many ways, I'm still the little girl dreaming about being a princess, or trying to keep up with my brother in his superhero games. Two distinct memories from my childhood include these very ideas. One involves my brother pulling me around our living room on a rug while 'A Whole New World' was blaring through the stereo. Another involves me dressing up in my Pink Power Ranger pajamas to tag along with my brother the Red Ranger to defeat the powers of evil at hand. I'm still that little girl who craves both loveliness and beauty, and being a part of a great adventure (go read Captivating if this resonates with you). That little girl is still very much alive in the woman I'm becoming, and I hope she never really grows up, like the world and society and sometimes even the Church encourages her to. So maybe I'm not a 'real' adult yet, and reaching the ripe age of twenty two certainly does not mean that I have arrived. The bottom line is, thinking about soon being in the 'real world' got me thinking. Im about to go to graduate school for nine months to get my masters in social work, and I absolutely love the profession and the people I get to work with. But I also have so many dreams outside of my chosen field. One is to write, hence the beginning of this blog. I want to own a bookshop. I love old and classic things, and I would love to one day own my own little quaint bookshop. Think the bookshop in Beauty and the Beast, or the little shop in You've Got Mail (both obviously classic movies). I want to be a wife and mom. I feel like this one is pretty self explanatory... So I'll move on. I want to live overseas. I want to plant a church. I want to go to all seven continents. I want to see the Northern Lights. I want to ride an elephant in India. I want to backpack through Europe. I want to go on an overnight train ride and sleep in a sleeping car (White Christmas, anyone?). I want to ride a camel in the Middle East. I want to spend time with Jesus in the Garden of Gesthemane. I want to end human trafficking. I want every person on the earth to hear the Gospel. I want to encounter God in more powerful ways than Moses did, since I see with an unveiled face. I want the Kingdom to come on earth as it is in heaven. I want to know what is the height and depth and width and breadth of the love of God. I want to see how far the east is from the west. I want to know Him for who He is, truly and completely. So, I have a lot of dreams. Some small, some enormously big and impossible in and of myself. God has put so many dreams in me, so why do I so often get distracted? My heart is burning even right now for these things, for these people and places, but even a few minutes ago, I had all but forgotten the dreams. I wasn't purposefully ignoring the things that God out on my heart, I simply forgot. I got caught up in the small stories of my day to day life that I lost sight of the big picture. I consistently get so focused on the brushstrokes that I miss the masterpiece painting being created before my eyes. I so often have tunnel vision. I am made for so much more than the small stories of the world. I was "created out of the laughter of the Trinity"(an early mystic quoted in 'The Sacred Romance'). I was made for joy, peace, and laughter, even in the face of a broken and desperate world. I was created to fulfill a destiny as a part of the epic story that all of creation testifies to. I was made for so much more than treading water and getting by. I was made for intimacy with Jesus and to change the world by being a vessel of the Holy Spirit, a favored daughter of the Father, and a friend of Jesus. He created me as I am for a specific, important purpose and destiny. I get to live the most redemptive, beautiful, adventurous life there ever was, because I was made to. At the end of the day, He is my dream. Even if I don't get to ride an elephant or be a mom, I trust Him. I'm learning to trust Him. Because He is just so trustworthy. EVERYTHING else-- even my sweetest dreams-- are rubbish compared to knowing Him. He is that good.